Juggling...

My mum is hospitalised again since Friday night. The foot that got bitten is swollen again, down to the toes. And the colour is bluish. The doctor said there's virus infection. Today is Sunday and she is not yet discharged.

Hopefully she will be discharged tomorrow. But even if she is discharged, she won't be able to walk around with that swollen foot. I will take emergency leave for one or two days and help around the house until my mum gets better.

On a different note, since Kimura Takuya's Priceless ended, I haven't followed any Japanese or Korean dramas. I have been reading mangas a lot. I am into yaoi right now; somehow in manga world, love between 2 men seems so sweet and romantic to me.

Anyway, starting earlier this month I have been following a new Japanese drama called Biblia Koshodou no Jikan Techou (Antiquarian Bookshop Biblia's Case Files) starring Akira (he was Onizuka sensei in GTO 2012) and Gouriki Ayame (I saw her before in IS) as the owner of Biblia, an antique bookshop and a walking encylopedia of books and literature. Gouriki and Akira's characters solved mysteries and problems with antique/classic books as the main clue. It is so different from the other Japanese detective series I have ever watched and I really love how Gouriki character used her knowledge/expertise on classic books to solve the mysteries. The series is currently on air in Japan.

And yesterday I have started following a new Korean drama as well. It is called That Winter, The Wind Blows starring Jo In Sung and Song Hye-kyo. The series is based on  a Japanese drama called I Don't Need Love, Summer which was aired in 2002. I found from internet search that previously the Koreans have also made a movie based on the same Japanese drama. I am also currently watching the original Japanese drama. Not because I want to compare but just because I also want to know what the story is in the original version. Surely there will be variations between the 2 versions. Of course the actors in the Korean version are more handsome/beautiful, but at the moment I like both versions.

Now what I REALLY want to talk about is Jo In Sung. Before I watched this drama, I never knew him. He is so delicious to look at in this drama. Not only that, I think he acts really well. Now I discovered that this is his comeback drama after 7 years. My heart went doki doki everytime I watched his scenes.

Sigh! Ji Sung is gonna make me mellow and yellow for the weeks to come! Move over, Wheesung, Top, Hyun Bin, Hyun Woon, Sakuragi, Kabu, Ji Ho and Ren! You guys need to make some space for Ji Sung in my heart!

Baby Steps

I could say that the weekend up until today is quite eventful. Lets start with the bad stuff first...

I just found out today that one of my uncles (my dad's younger brother) suffered a stroke last week. I still don't know how bad it was. Dramas unfolded when 2 of my cousins from my dad's side started posting stuff at facebook - giving the impression that my dad, along with his other brothers in Penang and Perak, do not care about this sick brother and about my grandmother (paternal) who is senile. The thing is no one told my dad anything about his brother until he got to Penang. My uncle in Penang told my dad and he also found out that day itself. As for my grandma, everybody knows she is senile but nobody (except me and my siblings) knows how many times my dad and mum persuaded her to come live with us. What I don't get is why the hell my uncle who lives 3 doors away from my grandma did not contact my dad at all about the sick brother? I really want to know. As for my cousins who wrote on facebook, what they did just show how shallow their mentality is.

Okay. Now for the good stuff...

My mum can walk now. She is doing better and I hope she will fully recover soon.

And as promised, here she is! Arrived on Saturday when I was on the way back from Seremban. Thank God my aunt was home when Fitness Concept delivered her. I tried it for the first time on Saturday night. I surrendered after 2km and 15 minutes! Obviously I haven't exercised for a longggg time and my energy level is very low! Today I managed 3km for 18 minutes. I think that's an improvement! Ganbatte q(^o^)p

And here are some photos from my belated birthday lunch with the girls. I got a delicious birthday ribs instead of a birthday cake! And I love my presents!!

Lovely!!!

Safe n Sound

My family is safely back from Penang. My mum looks alright. Though her feet is still swollen, it is the natural colour, not black and blue. I think and I hope she will recover fully soon.

Anyway, this morning after a long scolding session by my boss with all staff, I signed my promotion paper. I resolved that I will leave the company soon but with dignity and after I have proven myself worthy and deserving of the promotion. I don't want to leave with bad blood behind me. To be fair to my boss, she did fight for my promotion and increment so I shouldn't waste her effort.

And I also received a call from Fitness Concept sales people. My cross trainer will be delivered tomorrow. Yeay!!! It means I have to drive back to KL tomorrow morning and I hope I can make it in time for lunch with the girls.

I don't know how it is gonna be tomorrow because one of the girls hasn't spoken to me for a long time. Will it gonna be awkward? Will she pretend like nothing happened? Will she pretend like nothing happened during lunch tomorrow and afterwards she'll be back to ignoring me? Well, either way there's nothing I can do. As long as she is happy.

But I plan to have fun tomorrow. My mum is doing well. The whole family is safe and sound. And I want to forget what happened at the office during the week. It's time for myself. Oh and I can't wait to use the cross trainer!!

Cheers!!

Blue

After the long CNY weekend, I got back to work with a sinking feeling. That is how much I hate my job now. It is the same thing over and over again. Yes I just got promoted, but I guess it is only because my boss wants to keep me here longer. But for the past few weeks I've been getting scolding from her almost on a daily basis. Leave me feeling less and less motivated day by day.

I got scolded for everything that's happening in the office. If a staff made mistakes or missed deadlines, I got scolded too. I guess I deserved that because I am the manager after all.

And with the promotion, now there are added responsibilities but over all I am still doing the same thing. I am seriously bored with this job. Told her 2 years ago and also last year that I want to leave because I want to do something new. Then suddenly this promotion landed on my lap. But why give me this promotion if she doesn't think I deserve it?

Today I got scolded again and this time she asked me to think whether I want to take on the added responsibilities. The answer is plain and obvious to me right now but not because I cannot handle the extra responsibilities. All this while I have handled whatever it was that she threw at me... She still does. The answer is plain and obvious because I am really really bored with this job. I want to do new things. I want to work within a new environment. I want to meet new people. I want to learn and experience something new. Hell I have been with the same company since 2006 and have been doing the same job since 2005!

I seriously need to take action and control my life!!

On a different note, yesterday I finally ordered the cross trainer. *highfivetoself* I received an email from Fitness Concept today that my order is being process.

Meantime, my sister called me this morning and told me that my mum got bitten by something at the beach. The doctor suspected that it was a water snake. But thank God it is not serious. Her blood tests came out good so far but the doctor admitted her to the ward for tonight to monitor her just in case. I wanted to cry when I called her just now but I forced myself not too. She said I dont need to go there but just pray for her speedy recovery. She was still in pain at the foot where she was bitten.

The good thing is that my siblings are all there but, God forbid, if her conditions get worst, I will fly to Penang tomorrow. I'll pack a bag just in case.

Just Another Ramblings About Some Stuff...

Ramadhan came and went. In a blink of an eye, we have already passed the first week of Syawal. How time flies so fast when we are having fun!

I took a week off for Aidilfitri. But it was not a time to relax and laze around. I helped my mum to put on new sofa covers and put up fresh curtains for the windows. I also helped her, a little bit, with cooking. I’m not your kitchen goddess material in any event.

My mum cooked sambal kacang (grounded ground nuts with sugar, ginger and blended chillis… errrrr do not follow this recipe! I’m no kitchen goddess, remember! LOL), beef rendang and gulai ayam pencen (errr…. “retired” chicken in gravy made of coconut milk with blended spices… all I know is it’s so damn yummy!!). Unfortunately, due to some technical error by the cook (ehem… my mum!), the gulai became bad the next morning. My mum almost cried, but nothing can be done. At least we got to taste the yummy gulai ayam during dinner the night before Aidilfitri.

Except for the gulai ayam gone bad, 1^st Syawal went smoothly with no drama or whatnots. We had breakfast at my grandparents’ house and then off to Hulu Langat to my other grandmother’s house. We were back at Lot10 around 4.00 p.m. By that time my aunts, uncles and cousins are all at my grandparents’ house. It was off course tiring but fun all the same. My mum was already too tired to cook anything else for them so we ordered lots of Domino’s pizza which was a hit with everybody! Yokatta!

Our doll faced Persian, Tyson, is now 10 months old but he is already as big as his dad, Rocky. He is also getting naughtier and this always makes my parents worry. He has learned how to get out of the fence and sometimes spent a long time in the small bushes near our house. It’s about time for him to get him neutered. But nobody can deny that Tyson is the spoiled child in the family.

Here's my family photo taken on Aidilfitri morning! :)

I am still getting used with living alone. Sometimes at night I worry that some strangers might break in into my apartment when I’m asleep. I surely don’t know how I can defend myself if that ever happens. A few people suggested that I should find a housemate. I don’t mind if it is somebody I already know but living in the same house with a stranger – I’m not comfortable with that. Besides, 5 days a week I get home late from work, so I wouldn’t know what she does when I’m not at home. Besides, everything in this house is mine – there will be some territorial and possession issues. Well, I’d rather live alone.

Of course it’s lonely. That is unavoidable but I do my best to entertain myself when I’m home like watch dvds, read mangas,watch tv, read books (I’ve just finished John Irving’s The Cider House Rules and currently reading Ken Follet’s Pillars of the Earth), watch animes, play facebook games/online games. There’s actually a lot of things I can do for entertainment! At the moment I don’t really mind this loneliness because after a hectic day at work, I always come back to a quiet and peaceful home which is good for me.

Remember last time I used this skincare product called Dermadex? The product was really good but I stopped using it because it’s very difficult to get the supply, plus it is really expensive (RM35.00) for a very small tube.

Since Aidilfitri, my skin became very bad with breakouts; I think it’s caused by the fatty food I’ve been taking. So, I bought this product called Hada Labo Tamagohada Facial Cleanser with AHA/BHA. It’s a Japanese product and it’s available in all Guardian store. The product helps peeling the dried old skin from my face and I notice that it also reduces the oil on my T-zone. Because of the exfoliating ingredients in this product, you have to put on sunscreen after you wash your face with it in the morning. I also use the Hada Labo Super Hyaluronic Moisturizing Lotion. All you have to do is squeeze a little bit of the lotion on your palm, work it a bit and pat it all over your face. I am not too sure about this lotion though because I think it makes my skin break out. I will stop using this lotion starting tomorrow and see what happens in the next few days.

Apart from skin problem, I have gained a lot of weight since my operation 3 months ago. I am now 63kg, the heaviest I’ve ever been in my entire life! I have never weighed more than 60kg before. I have to start dieting and do my hula hoop exercise again!

Wish me luck!!

The Big Day is Almost Here...

I am finally admitted to Gleneagles today... they give me the single exec room. Thank God for that! At least some privacy for me and for my family and friends!

I was told by the nurses that my operation tomorrow will be after 12.30pm. Apperently Dr Aziz has other patients to operate on before me. So I have to wait for my turn. I will start fasting from 7 am tomorrow and the nurses will also make necessary preps on me before the operation.

My bestfriends - Jan, Aya, Liza and Laila all came visit me today. I'm so gald for that! Kept me from thinking about what will happen tomorrow. And my mum is keeping me company right now. So grateful for that too! My dad and sisters will also come again tomorrow.

Well... right now there's nothing else to say or do but to pray to God that all will turn out fine and well tomorrow and that operation will be smooth. Amin!

Wish me luck! :)

Just Another Rambling... Perhaps?

I don't know how to begin this.

I haven't even updated this space for such a long time. Many things happened, is happening and will be happenning. My life is such a mess at the moment. If my life is a movie, there's so much dramas in it. But thank God I am still in one piece.

I have a tumour at my right ovary, just near the bladder and it might be cancerous. The doctor has confirmed that I need urgent surgery to remove it.

No, this is not a joke. It's not a movie either. This is my reality, dear reader.
I'm trying to stay positive and be brave.

Well, many women experienced this sort of thing and they all turn out fine. I'll be alright too right?

By the way, a few weeks before I found out about the tumour, I went to the ENT specialist and he confirmed my hearing loss. Luckily, I don't really need any hearing aid.

In the meantime, my Hepatitis B and nephrotic syndrome are not cured yet.

Really... I am trying very very hard to cope with all these...
I can't even explain to you what's going on in my head and in my mind.
I told my sisters about my condition tonight. Very calm reaction and one of them changed the subject after not even 5 minutes of discussion. How am I supposed to feel inside? And then she apologised... Via bbm... How cool is that? She said both of them are actually sad but they don't want to show it to me for fear that I'll be upset. She said she hopes I understand. She asked me to understand :( Why can't she try to understand me instead? Is it so hard to share my sadness and my tears? If we can laugh together, can't we cry together too!

I'm not sure if right now I'm being selfish, or if I'm just too sad about all this. Honestly speaking I'm just a total mess.
I can't sleep right now. I can't go out either. It's too late in the night. My head really hurts and my eyes keep leaking water. Am I crying? What for? This is just a trivial thing right? This is going to end up with joy and happiness right? I'll be okay in the end right?

I hope tomorrow will be better for me... Owh... It's already tomorrow...

Me and my brother and sisters with our Grandma. I'm the new model for a toothpaste commercial! 

Mother's Day

Tomorrow would be the Mother's Day.

I went to the store with my sister to buy something nice for mama. After browsing around, we finally found the perfect gift for her. A cute black handbag with wooden handle and a big daisy print at the front. I'm sure mama would love it! I also bought a pair of strap-buckled shoes for my other sister. Her birthday was on 30th April... this year will be her 25th year of life. She can't be with us this week 'cause she has to do some preparations for her short course next week. I hope she'll get a boyfriend this year. Hehehe...

How's your relationship with your mum?

My mama is a working mother. She will be 51 years old this year and she still looks like she's 40. Even though she's working, she never failed to cook for us and take care of us. She's more than a mother... she's also a friend. Somehow, she always find the time to listen to our stories, our complaints, our whinings. If someone ask me how I regard my mama, I would say that mama is our angel, our rock to hold on to. Yes, she may have scolded us sometimes and mad at us sometimes, but we always know that all her actions are her reactions to her love for us.

You taught me everything

And everything you've given me

I always keep it inside

You're the driving force in my life, yeah

There isn't anything

Or anyone i can be

And it just wouldn't feel right

If i didn't have you by my side

You were there for me to love and care for me

When skies were grey

Whenever i was down

You were always there to comfort me

And no one else can be what you have been to me

You'll always be you always will be the girl

In my life for all times

Mama, mama you know i love you

Oh you know i love you

Mama, mama you're the queen of my heart

Your love is like

Tears from the stars

Mama, i just want you to know

Lovin' you is like food to my soul

You're always down for me

Have always been around for me even when i was bad

You showed me right from my wrong

Yes you did

And you took up for me

When everyone was downin' me

You always did understand

You gave me strength to go on

There was so many times

Looking back when i was so afraid

And then you come to me

And say to me i can face anything

And no one else can do

What you have done for me

You'll always be

You will always be the girl in my life

Never gonna go a day without you

Fills me up just thinking about you

I'll never go a day without my mama

That's a "Song For Mama", written by Kenneth "Babyface" Edmonds and performed by Boyz II Men... one of my favourite songs. Other songs which I think can suitably be dedicated to our mamas are "Because You Loved Me" (Celine Dion) and "I Turn To You" (Christina Aguillera). Both are also my favorite songs.

Well, can't wait to see mama's reaction when she receive her gift tomorrow!