14 November 2015


I went out with him today. We went for breakfast. The most surprising thing was this time it was him who asked to meet up.

The prospect of getting a good breakfast, and wanting to know whether he would treat me differently, were very enticing. So I agreed.

The greetings was not like before, but he was his usual self. And I think I acted naturally; there was no awkward moment or bitter feelings. As usual he loves talking about himself, so I obliged.

I think I am getting through this quite well. I mean, I have told him how I feel and I know where I stand when it comes to him. So, if he wants to continue treating me like a friend only, that's his choice. I am not going to (and it's not like I can anyway) force him to return my feelings.

So yeah... This is where I am now. Friendzoned.

04 November 2015

I will survive

I think for the past few weeks my spirit has gone lower and lower. It's tough to be strong.

In my personal life, i am still trying to come to terms that my feelings toward someone is unrequited. I am staying quiet and staying low. He wants to continue being friends. I tried, but it's hard and it hurts so much. And it's so painful that i am still hoping for something to happen, although deep down i know that i am waiting for the moon to fall on my lap. This is not a movie. 

At work, it is worst. My boss... Her temper is abusing us mentally and emotionally. I don't know how i survive at work everyday and still go home in one piece. I guess i just have to be strong for the sake of my colleagues. But my limit is almost to the max. I am so tired of pushing away the negativity and trying to stay positive. There is no kind words or motivation from our boss anymore. Just hurtful words and hateful glares.

Right now, i really want to cry. But i am too tired to do that too. I keep reminding myself that other people might have worst problems than me. And that i should be thankful and grateful. I do. I know that. But when it hurts, it hurts.

I hope tomorrow will be a better day for me and everyone else in this world.