Just Another Rambling... Perhaps?

I don't know how to begin this.

I haven't even updated this space for such a long time. Many things happened, is happening and will be happenning. My life is such a mess at the moment. If my life is a movie, there's so much dramas in it. But thank God I am still in one piece.

I have a tumour at my right ovary, just near the bladder and it might be cancerous. The doctor has confirmed that I need urgent surgery to remove it.

No, this is not a joke. It's not a movie either. This is my reality, dear reader.
I'm trying to stay positive and be brave.

Well, many women experienced this sort of thing and they all turn out fine. I'll be alright too right?

By the way, a few weeks before I found out about the tumour, I went to the ENT specialist and he confirmed my hearing loss. Luckily, I don't really need any hearing aid.

In the meantime, my Hepatitis B and nephrotic syndrome are not cured yet.

Really... I am trying very very hard to cope with all these...
I can't even explain to you what's going on in my head and in my mind.
I told my sisters about my condition tonight. Very calm reaction and one of them changed the subject after not even 5 minutes of discussion. How am I supposed to feel inside? And then she apologised... Via bbm... How cool is that? She said both of them are actually sad but they don't want to show it to me for fear that I'll be upset. She said she hopes I understand. She asked me to understand :( Why can't she try to understand me instead? Is it so hard to share my sadness and my tears? If we can laugh together, can't we cry together too!

I'm not sure if right now I'm being selfish, or if I'm just too sad about all this. Honestly speaking I'm just a total mess.
I can't sleep right now. I can't go out either. It's too late in the night. My head really hurts and my eyes keep leaking water. Am I crying? What for? This is just a trivial thing right? This is going to end up with joy and happiness right? I'll be okay in the end right?

I hope tomorrow will be better for me... Owh... It's already tomorrow...