I sent him a long message confessing my feelings. Well, it's more like confess and "break up". I told him that i know i'm not what he wants or needs and that i don't think he would even reply to me. I know i'm being a coward by telling him all that through a long message, instead of calling or telling it to him face to face. But, we never call each other anyway. And i don't want the embarassment of being rejected to my face.
I sent him that message at about 1.30 a.m. after thinking about it long and hard. I think he was already asleep when my message was sent. He is that kind of guy. Very disciplined about his time and what he wants to do, so his bed time is almost fixed.
I couldn't sleep after that. I tried. I drifted in and out of sleep. Trying not to think about it. Trying to brace myself for the heartbreak that i was about to suffer.
Later this morning when i woke up, i saw that he has read my message, but there was no reply. So, that was it. The cut is deeper than i thought. And i cried harder than i thought i would. The saddest part is that i also lose him as a friend.
I finally told my bestfriend about my situation, but not the whole thing. She offered to meet up later today but i declined. I just want to be alone. I am not ready to talk.
But i need to go out. If i stay in i might start crying again. I cannot wallow in self pity. Or wouldn't be able to get up.
I let him go. If he ever returns.... Oh how i wish.
Update: he replied later. He said he's not the guy i want to be with and he will break my heart someday. He also said he the kind of guy that no girl would understand. But he wants to stay friends with me.
Why does he has to say that? Can't he just say he doesn't want a relationship with me?
My heart is crushed.
No comments:
Post a Comment