Consideration

The number is 33 and the word is solo. That's me as at 27.1.2010.

I celebrated my birthday with colleagues and friends. But all was quiet and unexciting at home. I remembered the treasure hunt I did for Adik last year. That was fun. Oh well. Maybe I am considered too old to be celebrated. At least my friends and colleagues do not think so. I want to make it clear that I don't need parties and cakes and lots of presents. A loving kiss on the cheek or a warm hug will do. I just need an assurance that I'm still loved at 33.

So what does that mean getting older? I'm not really sure how to answer that. All I know is my age is increased by one more number and with that comes more pressure. You know... the usual issues... no boyfriend, not married and all that stuff.

But don't get me wrong. I don't need any sympathy. Please don't insult my feelings with that. All I need is an understanding. Ooopppss! No, definitely not understanding because nobody could understand me unless they are me. All I need is consideration. Please consider me. I need your kind consideration. Your kind consideration shall be much appreciated. Your kind consideration would enable me to go through this life easier.

I know I'm kinda scribbling nonsense here, but actually I am not. I think I have already reached my limit. I think 33 is the limit. Don't go over 33. Only 33 and below is allowed. God, I'm so stressed today! I'm so down today! I'm so sad today...

So, the number is 33 and the word is solo. I am solo and my younger sister will get married this December. And she wants me to be her "pengapit". I can imagine the spinster me playing lady in waiting for the beautiful younger bride. But don't misjudge me. I have considered. She's my sister and I love her. I don't even have the heart to tell her no. And I am happy that she is getting married. But I wonder if she has considered me. I am the unconsidered unmarried older sister and I will be cast at the corner, fanning the bride, while she is being glorified in the limelight. Please don't put me there.

I sound selfish. Do I sound selfish? Once in a while, I want that privilege to be selfish. Once in a while, I want to be considered. That's my birthday wish this year. Dear God, please grant me that.

I am out of positive energy today. Friends, please lend me some....