Time of joy and for lots of presents! What do you get from Mr. Claus this year! My wish for Christmas (I don't celebrate Christmas actually... but what's the harm?) is for happiness and good fortunes for my friends and family, especially to my boyfriend.
In a week's time, we'll say bye bye to year 2005 and welcome to year 2006. I am aspired to become a better person than I am now next year. I hope I can help more people next year and I will certainly continue to be a good friend to all of my friends! What's your resolutions for the coming new year?
Looking back from January 2005 to today, I would be proud to say that I have a good start in year 2005. I ceased practice as an advocate & solicitor and jumped to an international loss adjusting company as a claims administrator. I get to handle and administer professional indemnity claims from lawyers. Each of the claims I received is unique and different. Some of them are just plain weird... Next year, the department I am currently in would no longer be in operation. All the PI claims works will be handled by a new company. This week I got 2 phone calls from 2 big companies offering me jobs based on my work performance in my current company. Just imagine! They told me that I am dynamic, hard working, bright, sharp...! It's great to know that all my hard works are noticed and recognized. I have told my family and bestfriend of this good news. But right now, I wish my boyfriend is here with me because I want to share this with him too... I wonder where he is and what's he up to right now...
Anyways, this leads to the story of my love life this year. Well, I have to admit that my love life is somewhat shaky this year... and I think it is not getting any better. I would rather say that I am to be blamed. I guess with my over-emotional personality... suka imagine and fikir yg bukan2 (mostly negative things) has finally caused my boyfriend to lose his patience with me. Now, he has not been speaking to me for over 2 weeks! I don't know what to do. He refused to answer my calls or reply my messages. I know I must have done or say something wrong to him... or else why would he want to give me this silent treatment?
I came across his Friendster page just now. There are some cute photos of him. Looking at them made me realise how much I miss him right now. I hope I can find a way to make things right again. But I also feel kinda sad because there is this one young girl who wrote a testimonial for his site... From what I was reading, it seems like my boyfriend and this young girl has a special relationship going. I am trying not make any negative conclusions out of this... But honestly, I feel jealous and sad. What if I am only his spare part while waiting for this girl to come back from studying abroad? If only I can get an explanation right now... and an assurance... from him...
I don't know... I feel like I'm losing hope in this relationship already... With him not speaking to me... and the possibility that he has another girl in his life... I can't even begin to explain how I'm feeling right now. It's truly devastating when you know that you are losing the love of your life... and knowing that you have not a chance to make things right makes it even more unbearable! I have gone through this before. I'm not sure if I can go through it again this time. but I can feel that old wound inside my heart has started to bleed again...
what's the time?
seems it's already morning
i see the sky
it's so beautiful and blue
the tv's on but the only thing showing
is a picture of you...
oh i get up
and make myself some coffee
i try to read a bit
but the story's too thin
i thank the Lord above
that you're not here to see me
in this shape i'm in
spending my time
watching the days go by
feeling so small
i stare at the wall
hoping that you think of me too
i'm spending my time
i try to call
but i don't know what to tell you
i leave a kiss on your answering machine
oh help me please
is there someone who can make me
wake up from this dream
spending my time
watching the days go by
feeling so small
i stare at the wall
hoping that you are missing me too
i'm spending my time
watching the sun goes down
i fall asleep on the sound
of tears of the clown
a prayer's gone blind
i'm spending my
my friends keep telling me
"hey, life will go on"
time will make sure i get over you
this silly game of love
you play you win only to lose
I could cry every time I hear that song (Roxette, "Spending My Time"). One of my favourite songs. It perfectly captures the feeling of someone who has lost love but could not let go, the feeling of the first time you suddenly realised that you are alone. It's the same feeling I am having right now.
Abang, if you are reading this... I just want to say that I am so sorry if I have hurt your feelings. But please trust me... deep inside my heart, you own that special place...
Well, I would definitely say that this is not the kind of feeling I want to have to end this year. I want to be happy... I am dying to make everyone around me happy! But I guess, I am a failure in this aspect. God knows what in for me in year 2006.
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