LONELY

I officially moved in to our new rented apartment in Puchong on 8.7.2011. I went back to work on 17.7.2011. Of course there was lots of things to catch up with. It's actually very tiring for me to drive back and forth between Puchong and Kuala Lumpur five times a week. But I have to endure it.

It is now Ramadhan. So far I have no problem fasting although some times I did get headaches in the evening, but I never skip fasting.

Last week Adik, my youngest sister who lived with me, was informed by her employer that she would be transferred to Kuantan. After an appeal, she is sent to Skudai instead, which is nearer to her big brother in Gelang Patah and her boyfriend in Mersing. She left last Friday. I'm still very sad for having to let her go. And today, it really hits me that I am now living alone and on my own.

It really is very lonely. There's nobody to talk to. Although the TV is loud and showing my favourite shows, the house still feels empty. I fell asleep around 2.00 p.m. and woke up at 4.30 p.m. today. Do you know how it feels like waking up alone?

I've been thinking about what will happen if I get sick when I'm alone in this house. It really scares me. What if one night I fall asleep and doesn't wake up. Will someone notice I'm missing? What will happen to my parents after I'm gone?

After the operation, I think I am becoming more accepting about my health condition. I wonder if I will live long enough to celebrate my 40th birthday. If I have provided enough for my parents if I'm gone? This sounds very negative and not optimistic. I think the loneliness really hits me.

Ok lets talk about happy stuff. My boss allowed my application for a week off to celebrate Hari Raya. Yeay! Adik will be engaged to her boyfriend on 25th Dec... insya Allah. And the wedding will most probably be next year. Another sibling will start her own family soon!

And there will be a possible trip to Phuket this year. Although it is actually for work, I still look forward to it! And I heard from the grapevines that the CEO has finally approved this year's company trip. Yeay!

At the very least, my live is still colourful right? And I still have friends whom I can rely upon. Alhamdulillah :)