Upside Down... Again...

One day you are up, and when you think the weather will always be calm, you are down again. Well, that's life. And you spent everything - material, energy, emotion - to keep on living. I think some people resorted to suicide because they think they could not go on living. Well,  it is just my guess... Because that's what I think whenever I thought about ending my life. Do I sound suicidal?

Well... Lets just say that I am currently down and not thinking straight and that my emotions are controlling my brain. Life is hard for me now, but I know out there, there are people who lives life harder than mine. So I must not be too negative right? I hope this will pass and I will be happy again.

It's just that right now everything is just too emotionally burdensome for me. I really feel like I can't take it anymore. I'm just too tired emotionally and I can my body is taking the toll of this emotional baggage I'm carrying. I hope things will be alright again soon.

Ottokae? What to do?

I am at the hospital right now. I missed both appointments with the nephrologist and hepatologist in October 2012 and November 2012 respectively. So I am here right now to fix new appointments and get my supply of medicine.

Well, of course it is my fault for missing the appointments but the nephrologist refuse to give me my medicine stating he/she doesn't want to be responsible if something happens to me because the.medicine is prescribed without checking me. Isn't it equally irresponsible to turn down a patient's request for medicine, especially when the patient personally make that request at the hospital? Anyway, my other choice now is to buy the medicine from a private clinic.

Surprisingly, the hepatologist gives me my medicine supply even though I missed my appointment with her too!

So right now I am waiting for my name to be called at the hospital pharmacy to get my medicine. Of course this is going to be a very long wait. It's normal at the government hospital. Slow, poor service and lack of smile. A sincere smile will brighten a patient's heart who has been subjected to a long wait. Common sense!

Beautiful Wedding

I went to my best friend's youngest brother's wedding yesterday. It was held at a hall in Kem Wardieburn, Jalan Genting Klang, KL. I left my house at around 10.a.m., picked up Aya at her place at Bandar Tasik Permaisuri and we arrived at the hall about half an hour later. It was quite an adventure to get to the wedding hall because both of us had never been to the army camp before. But thanks to Waze, we managed to get there!

The hall was beautifully made up. A red carpet from the main entrance right up to the stage, with tall electric candelabras lining up each side of the red carpet all the way. The wedding stage where the bride and groom sat as the king and queen of the ceremony was decorated in pink and white. At first blush, the decoration looked simple, but at the same time it was elegant and beautiful. The ceremonial dining table was also beautifully decorated in yellow and gold.

Outside the main door, there was a small table for guest to write or post their well wishes and congratulatory messages  to the couple. I think the colourful little lollipops for the guests was a nice touch.

I have to congratulate the person who was in charge of the background music through out the wedding. I heard many of my favourite Malay/Indon love songs during the wedding, e.g Dealova (Once), Sempurna (Andra & the Blackbone), Sedetik Lebih (Anuar Zain), etc. When the bride and groom cut their wedding cake, Endless Love (Lionel Richie and Diana Ross), was their background song. So sweet! And there was a live gamelan music as well, which gave a traditional touch to the wedding.

The groom's family and entourage were all in caramels and browns, except for the parents who wore purple. I particularly like Jan's, Kak Tine's and Kak Eja's dresses. They were so pretty!

The food was lovely. The mango kerabu was the best! And I had my fillings of bingka ubi twice! I haven't had so much food in such a long time. By afternoon, I could feel my dress getting tighter! LOL! And the wedding cake was very pretty. I'm sure it tastes delicious too!

The bride and groom arrived a bit late but it was worth the wait. The couple was such a beautiful sight. They walked in towards their thrones with the groom's 12 nieces and nephews as flower boys and girls. The youngest ones, suprisingly, behaved themselves well! And they all looked very cute in their dresses and baju melayus.

I really had a great time at the wedding and very glad that I brought my camera along to capture the happy moments.

Congratulations, Feroz and Liz!

Topsy Turvy Life

Due to busy work schedule, I am unable to continue with my exercise on the cross-trainer. Last night I got home from work at about 11.30pm. Today I brought home 2 files to work on. Now it is 10.00pm and I have just finished the first file. Another one to go!

I don't know how long I can survive this. On top of that, my boss scolds me almost everyday for everything that happened in the office. And everytime she would scold and yelled at me in front of other staff too. So, how does she expect me to command or manage the staff if she keeps treating me like that in front of everyone? These people have no respect for me anymore. Why can't she just complete my humiliation by stripping me off of my promotion and increment? That will surely make everyone happy.

Seriously, I have no motivation at work and to work now. Plus, I am bored from head to toe doing professional indemnity claims. I really want to do something else and I hope I will find something else too.

And I really hope I have enough strength to survive right now.

Chaos!

My life is in some kind of chaos right now. Fortunately, things at home are settling down. My mum is getting better. The swelling is almost gone.

What's left in a mess right now is my job. Going away for two days is like going away for two months. On top of that my staff is so unreliable. I just don't know how to train him anymore.

I haven't done any exercises on the cross-trainer for a week! But I started again tonight. I hope this is a sign that the chaos will be over soon.

Ganbatte, Kuroneko-chan! Nyannnnn!!!